hi my name is courtney and i am in a long distance relationship, and will be until the middle of may. now M* isn’t that far away, he isn’t in another country or even a different time zone, he is only a five-hour drive away, it could be (and eventually might be depending on our lives in the future) so much worse.
M and i had only been “dating” for six months when he left, we had been on and off during that time but we still count it as six months of dating. six months is a both a long and sort time to be dating someone, you are in a semi-serious (ish) relationship with someone but you still don’t know if it will be a long-term thing. i knew i would fall in love with him eventually very early in our relationship, but we did not say it to each other until he left (some people have told me that it is a long time) i think it was better that he waited until then to say it because i knew it wasn’t something he said just because i wanted to hear it.
anyway, six months and your boyfriend leaves for another six months. i think that the length of our relationship has the possibility of making things slightly more difficult for us because for example if we had been together 1+ years we could have known if it was a long-term relationship or not, because within the next few months (says M) some crucial moments happen.
M is going through some personal issues (i will not get into them because that is his private life) and it hurts me to see the person i love suffer and not being able to help or be there. i respect people who do the long-distance thing full time even if it’s just as friends, it’s difficult when the only way you see them in through a screen (and your internet is unreliable) and you can’t do the little things that always make each other feel better.
i always thought of the long-distance as an adventure that we would through, i try to stay positive about it. i try to believe that this will only make our relationship stronger and that if we can do this we can do anything or any kind of distance. and even though i try my best to stay positive things can be hard, it’s hard to see a person you care about hurting when there’s nothing you can do. i won’t lie, we’ve both had our different doubts about our situation but we are working through them (we are both shit at communicating feelings)
on a much, much brighter note: in 16 days i will be on a 7 hour bus ride to see M and we will be able to spend 10 days together (we call it our “test” of living together, more on how nervous this makes me later) including our first valentines day and being together for exactly nine months (that is a long and scary amount of time!) i really hope that when all of this is over and we are back to a normalish relationship that we will be happy and proud of ourselves for at least attempting a long distance relationship.
basically last night i got really sappy about our relationship and all “oh my gosh i love him so” and i wanted to write about the situation, i really just wanted to ramble and i believe that this could be considered a very good ramble.
* M is my boyfriend, M is not his real name but he doesn’t 100% know this blog exists and i want to give him some privacy, i might do more relationship posts or give a little background info on our relationship in the future.