No Shame in Bailing

You know how I mentioned that I had already failed my Spring Capsule? Well… I failed it even more, I failed it so much that I think the best idea would be to bail and start again.

I need to solve my spending problem – just this weekend I bought two shirts. I somehow got back into my terrible habit of spending all of my paycheque two days after I got it. Thats not a good way to live, that is dangerous because now I have to borrow money from D to pay for my eye exam.

I need to change, I need to fix myself.

I’m not going to beat myself up about bailing on the capsule wardrobe and starting again, that’s fine and it happens, it was my first true capsule and I learned something. But I can’t pretend like I’m okay with my spending habits or that it’s okay that I went from having $450 to having $30 in a matter of days.

I think what I’m going to do is track my spending, everything I buy and everything that comes in and goes out. Maybe for a month, maybe longer – because I know that’s what they do on Money Moron and that’s what I am. I think seeing a professional would be a good idea but I’m not sure.

But I think it’s a mindset thing, I think my issue is in me – I need to figure out why my spending habits are like this and I need to find better, more productive ways of living.

Does anyone out there have any tips on how to stop a terrible terrible spending habit?

2017 yearly goals

ideally i would have done a reflection on my 2016 goals before sharing my 2017 ones but i have no idea where i put my list and the only one i can fully remember is “read 25 books” (which hell ya i did) so i’ll just share this years goals with two purposes in mind 1) have them written in a place that cannot be lost and can easily be looked at throughout the year (i’m thinking a check up every three months) and 2) some of them can really incorporate into blogging which is in itself a goal

okay so here’s my goals for 2017

  • save at least $3000 (i think this will be changed to $1500 because it is the first time i’ve saved a large junk of money)
  • declutter more
  • make less waste
  • read 30 books
  • do not buy any clothes/shoes unless NEEDED (if needed: thrifted or local or ethically made)
  • read mainly library books and books from my own collection
  • watch 15 movies
  • do documentary sundays
  • convert to a mostly vegetarian lifestyle
  • read more non-fiction
  • read more plath and poetry in general
  • be healthier in general (mentally would be best, i am a mess)
  • do yoga and meditate and sometimes go on walks
  • finish harry potter + star wars + lord of the rings
  • follow a strict budget
  • bring a reusable tote bag and reusable drinkware everywhere!
  • limit plastic straws
  • don’t read more than two books at a time
  • blog?
  • plant based (+less) beauty
  • start an emergency fund
  • stop eating packaged popcorn

 

so… those are my goals for this year. it seems like a lot but a lot of them go together and basically the theme is “stop being a little shit! stop spending your money on dumb things and save the planet!”

 

Where this blog is headed

I am trying to figure out where I want this blog to go or what I want it to be.
I think maybe I want it to be a bit of everything, I want it to be a fashion blog and a beauty blog, but I also want to share my love of books and magazines here, and talk about movies and life stuff.

I think I will have another post about the relationship updates because I have a lot to say and am currently not able to tell them to M so I will use my blog as my little venting post

Relationships – End + Updates

In my last long post I talked about my relationship, since that post my relationship has ended (for the time being.) I have a lot of thoughts on the situation, and I do believe that I will end up writing about them on this blog but I will wait a little longer until I have time to dedicate to expressing my thoughts and feelings.
I will say these few things for now: I am sad, I am hurt but I am not giving up. I don’t know if it’s me being a foolish heartbroken girl or if the universe is trying to tell me something but I don’t think it is fully over.
I think there are some issues that need to be fixed, I was told (by him) that something like this would happen and to be prepared. I wasn’t prepared at all but I know that I am not giving up just yet. The truth is; I want to wait until he comes home and his life is a bit more stable, it was unfair of me to put the pressure of a relationship on him when he was going into this situation.

We just spent 12 days together, it was like a mini-living together adventure. It made me realize some things and it made me wish I had done things differently. But overall I think it was a good experience, at least we can live in the same space without wanting to murder each other.

He is important and he is special, and I want to stick around a little bit more because I want to see how this turns out. I’m not ready to just give up.

…. to be continued?

long distance relationships – a ramble

hi my name is courtney and i am in a long distance relationship, and will be until the middle of may. now M* isn’t that far away, he isn’t in another country or even a different time zone, he is only a five-hour drive away, it could be (and eventually might be  depending on our lives in the future) so much worse.
M and i had only been “dating” for six months when he left, we had been on and off during that time but we still count it as six months of dating. six months is a both a long and sort time to be dating someone, you are in a semi-serious (ish) relationship with someone but you still don’t know if it will be a long-term thing. i knew i would fall in love with him eventually very early in our relationship, but we did not say it to each other until he left (some people have told me that it is a long time) i think it was better that he waited until then to say it because i knew it wasn’t something he said just because i wanted to hear it.

anyway, six months and your boyfriend leaves for another six months. i think that the length of our relationship has the possibility of making things slightly more difficult for us because for example if we had been together 1+ years we could have known if it was a long-term relationship or not, because within the next few months (says M) some crucial moments happen.

M is going through some personal issues (i will not get into them because that is his private life) and it hurts me to see the person i love suffer and not being able to help or be there. i respect people who do the long-distance thing full time even if it’s just as friends, it’s difficult when the only way you see them in through a screen (and your internet is unreliable) and you can’t do the little things that always make each other feel better.

i always thought of the long-distance as an adventure that we would through, i try to stay positive about it. i try to believe that this will only make our relationship stronger and that if we can do this we can do anything or any kind of distance. and even though i try my best to stay positive things can be hard, it’s hard to see a person you care about hurting when there’s nothing you can do. i won’t lie, we’ve both had our different doubts about our situation but we are working through them (we are both shit at communicating feelings)

on a much, much brighter note: in 16 days i will be on a 7 hour bus ride to see M and we will be able to spend 10 days together (we call it our “test” of living together, more on how nervous this makes me later) including our first valentines day and being together for exactly nine months (that is a long and scary amount of time!) i really hope that when all of this is over and we are back to a normalish relationship that we will be happy and proud of ourselves for at least attempting a long distance relationship.

basically last night i got really sappy about our relationship and all “oh my gosh i love him so” and i wanted to write about the situation, i really just wanted to ramble and i believe that this could be considered a very good ramble.

* M is my boyfriend, M is not his real name but he doesn’t 100% know this blog exists and i want to give him some privacy, i might do more relationship posts or give a little background info on our relationship in the future.

remember the simpler life post?

it never happened.. 
i don’t know what happened but i continued to spend money, more money than i should have on ridiculous things that i really didn’t need. 
my closet is now over flowing (even though i did a purge two months ago), my bookshelf has even more books that i haven’t read, my makeup and skincare stash aren’t that bad surprisingly. 
i’m not sure what to do, i am going to start a weekly budget next pay day and at least try to follow it? i mean after years of being horrible with my money and having terrible finance skills i feel like i should try to take things slow, like i shouldn’t dive into a full spending freeze. 
one thing that i am truly thankful for is that i do not (and should probably never) own a credit card. 
i think i mentioned this in my last post but my spending habits are only going to hurt my future, eventually i’ll have to move out or buy a car and i might not be able to make payments because i might have already spent all of my money on useless items. 
and eventually i could move in with my boyfriend, in the very distant future obviously, and my money habits could create problems for us. i might not have enough for rent or enough for groceries. 
money has recently been putting a lot of stress on me, i think i need some help and need to do something about it.